In my work as a Sexologist I have what I consider to be, a unique way to look at relationships based on the chakras or energy centers.
This idea originated when I studied the chakras at the Osho Multiversity in India in the early ’90’s and did a dance workshop that activated the different energy centers through movement and music. I noticed that my sexual desires (after each day) changed as we moved through the chakras. When we were focusing on the base chakra my sexual desires (outside of the training) were more primal and I felt the desire to have sex to ground myself in my body. When we moved onto the second chakra I felt more moved towards a sensual soft touch and sensuality. When we got to the third chakra which is the “power center” I felt more active and wanted more aggressive passionate sex. But then when we got to the heart center I just wanted cuddles and closeness. When we reached the fifth chakra it became all about communicating and the noises made during love making. And with the sixth chakra I wanted to explore connecting more intuitively and energetically, through the breath. When we reached the crown chakra I simply wanted to experience that oneness of being and connection to all that is, to lie in orgasmic bliss after making love.
While I was exploring my chakras sexually, I realized that one lover could not necessarily meet all my sexual desires, either they were simply not tuned in energetically to where I was at, didn’t understand the process I was going through, or were stuck in one particular chakra and perhaps hadn’t awakened their other chakras.
I started to look at the relationships I had in my life and realized I had different lovers/friends for different times of the month (due to hormonal changes) or different activities. Some I just wanted pure raw sex with, others I preferred to contact when I wanted to go out and go for a hike or go dancing. And still others I preferred to be close to, to touch, to go deep with.
It is a lot to ask one person to be it all. We are all unique and different depending on our upbringing, religion, culture, situations that may have happened to us at a young age (rape, sexual abuse, abandonment), and life experience through exploring other countries and ways of life.
I feel it is a massive pressure on one couple to meet each others every need, desire, fantasy and interests.
Once we realize on what levels our own needs are being met or not, and explore on what level we are connected with our partner, then we can work out whether it is possible to activate our own chakras that may be dormant and then see if it is possible to stimulate that missing energetic connection with our partner in some way.
So here is an outline of the chakras and some questions to ask yourself…
Base/Root Chakra
You:
Do you feel secure in your body?
Are you happy about your body image?
Do you feel financially secure?
Are you healthy? If not, what physical issues do you have going on?
Do you still desire sex and sexual connections?
Your partner:
Do you have a physically sexual connection with your partner?
Does your partner desire sex?
Do you own a home together?
Do you have a family/children/grandchildren together?
Are you financially secure?
Second Chakra/Sacral-Sexual Center:
You:
Do you feel like your life flows?
Do you touch yourself?
Do you pleasure yourself?
Your partner:
Does your partner like touch?
Do they touch you?
Third Chakra/Solar Plexus:
You:
What activities do you like to do? (Ski? Tennis? Golf? Hiking? Cycling? Cars? Book club?)
Your partner:
What activities do they like to do?
What activities/hobbys do you do together?
Fourth Chakra/Heart:
You:
What brings you happiness?
Your Partner:
What brings them happiness?
Do you cuddle?
Do you like being close to one another?
Fifth Chakra/Throat:
You:
Do you express yourself verbally?
Do you like to talk about your feelings?
When something bothers you do you like to talk about it?
When making love do you make noises of appreciation?
When eating do you express your likes/dislikes?
Your partner:
Does your partner like to talk about what they have done during the day?
Do they like to tell you how they are feeling?
Do they tell you if you have done something that annoys them?
Do they give you verbal indicators when making love that they are enjoying it?
Sixth Chakra/Third Eye:
You:
Do you feel intuitive?
Do you get gut feelings?
Are you aware of your own body and what it needs?
Can you tune into your pain, discomfort and trace it back?
Your partner:
Do they know when you are not feeling happy?
Do they know when you’ve done something and haven’t told them?
Do you feel connected to your partner?
Do you share the same political views? World views?
Do you discuss your ideas together?
Seventh Chakra/Crown:
You:
Do you meditate?
Do you spend time with yourself? (walking, thinking, reading)
Do you have a sense of your energy body? The part that is beyond your physical body?
Your partner:
Do you feel that you and your partner are connected energetically?
Do you feel that you and your partner have a higher purpose to being together?
When you lie close to one another do you feel a connection, an unseen bond?
Do you share the same spiritual/religious outlook?
If your answers are mostly “Yes,” then you are doing well!!
If you find your page covered with “No’s” then it is time to do some deep soul searching, within yourself and also as a couple. There are ways to activate your energy centers and also processes you can utilize to awaken the chakra connections you have with your partner. And there are also suggestions of what to do, if you are still missing certain connections on certain levels.
Have fun exploring this way of looking at yourself and your relationships with others.
Recommended Reading:
Soul Sex Book
I incorporate these concepts of chakra connections into a fun, sexual adventure story based on a Kiwi girl (from New Zealand) going on her big O.E. (overseas experience), who travelled the world on a sexual/spiritual quest, awakening her chakras/energy centers as she voyaged. The book was published in 2004 and written under my pename (at the time), Pavitra (my spiritual name given to me by Osho in India). It is called Soul Sex – a sexual adventure. I republished it in 2014 under Dr Shelley, after I completed my Doctorate in 2013.
Soul Sex Audio
The Audio version is my voice with accompanying original music from my brother, the composer, Trevor Coleman. I was nominated for an Audio award that year.
Be warned! Soul Sex is erotica and contains a lot of sexual content!
Anti-Aging & Health Benefits of Sex
This understanding about relationships and the energy centers in also included in my Doctorate. The summary of my research in contained in my book Anti-Aging & Health Benefits of Sex, in 2013. A very easy read!
I also have quite a different approach to the idea of Sex Addiction.
I feel a large desire for sex and different types of sex, and with different people is simply a sign of health and vitality, and a healthy way to express that energy. I think it is more of a problem if you have zero libido or desire for sex! And then expect your partner to stop all sexual desires as well!
That’s why I chose the subject I did for my Doctorate… the Anti-Aging & Health Benefits of Sex. Of the people I met over many, many years, the ones that stood out as defying time, who seemed ageless – regardless of their age, were those that were very sexually active, loved to socialize and talk and learn from others, had curious minds that questioned the status quo, were physically active (as well as sexually), sporty, did things… and had a positive/grateful disposition/outlook on life. And looked young! And were happy!!!! So I wanted to research that. I found more and more studies about sex being beneficial to health – it lowered blood pressure, helped reduce the risk of prostate cancer, and other types of cancer, and created more oxytocin production which meant people felt happier!
So why don’t more people have more sex????
Befounds me! The research shows that sex is good for you! My feeling is that sex should be considered a supplement for health and is something everyone needs! Some may need it daily or more than once a day, some – once a month… but I would encourage everyone to have sex, or at least an orgasm, at least once a week. To make sure everything is in good working order!!! Just like taking your car out for a drive regularly to make sure it hasn’t dried up and bust a valve or shock! And if you have more than one car/vehicle/toy/partner – it is important to make sure each of them gets out and played with to keep them lubricated and ready to go!
Dr Shelley
