Chapter 6 in my book Anti-aging & Health Benefits of Sex, refers to the health benefits of sex workers, sex surrogates and cougar sex.
My definition of a conscious sex worker refers to “spiritually oriented, personal-growth escorts who provide a therapeutic session without the therapy aura. They help transform their clients with energy awareness, heart connections, touch and providing a non-judgmental atmosphere where their clients can explore their sexual fantasies in a safe setting” (for more please refer to pages 49-51 in my book).
There is a very strong network of conscious sex workers that I know around the world. I work with many of them and refer clients to those that I know will be able to tune in to that client’s sexual needs and help them become better lovers.
Sex education is basically non-existent. Many of my clients met their partners in high school, fall in love, get married and that is the extent of their sexual experiences. With one person. It can be so easy to fall into a rut, or the “same old same old” and get bored. Someone like me who has had a very varied, rich sexual life can offer couples like this suggestions, different techniques and ideas that help awaken the spark in the relationship and keep that relationship alive and sexy.
There are many great books out there and videos that I refer couples to as well, but a personal, intimate, experiential session can be even more effective. It does take skill to be a professional sex worker. Especially to be able to tune in to where the person/couple is at and to help gently guide them to explore more in the sexual realms.
I love this “work” which doesn’t really feel like work for me. It is about connecting deeper – physically, emotionally, mentally and energetically.
Recently I had a client whose wife suggested he go and find someone who could help him be a better lover as she was getting bored after 20 years together. He was courageous enough to find me. I always feel very honored to work with people who truly want to learn, to be better lovers, to make their relationships work, to do what it takes to keep the relationship and alive and for it to thrive.
Another issue that is quite common is “premature ejaculation” which I have never really seen as a problem. Usually the guy is so excited, probably because he hardly ever gets to have sex, that he explodes as soon as he enters. But in my opinion that is not necessarily a bad thing as usually he just needs a little recovery time and is ready to go again! Sure, it is better if the love making lasts a bit longer than In and Out! Sometimes all that is required is an energy connection and willingness to communicate to your loved one that you are getting really close to orgasming and for your partner to help by either stopping and breathing and waiting until that feeling passes, then carry on. Or to find a technique such as pinching the nipples to distract your partner from their potential orgasm. Or for the guy to pull out, breathe, grab the base of his cock and squeeze it to stop the blood flow, then carry on after the desire to come has passed.
It is important however, to allow the body to orgasm and come eventually. As the saying goes, “if you don’t use it you lose it” and it is true especially for men. It is important, especially for the health of the prostate, to allow yourself to come. It is good for the sexual experience with another to prolong the orgasm as long as you can, but not too long that you can’t actually orgasm!!! If you do that it is like telling your prostate you don’t want it to do what it is meant to do, which eventually could cause it to shut down, as it then thinks “well you don’t really need me any more…”
Our bodies are fine tuned, delicate, finicky things. As with all muscles they need to be exercised. But not over-exercised! Recovery time is important too! And that is true for women as well. Our muscles down there also need to be exercised on a regular basis! And the work out can happen as you are sitting at the traffic lights! Work those kegels! Strengthen the floor of your vagina and muscles by squeezing and releasing, squeezing and releasing!
Many guys are self conscious about the size of their penis. If a woman has developed strong kegels/vaginal muscles then she can adjust and accommodate whatever the size! And the stronger the vaginal muscles then it is possible to enjoy a small, hard penis too. Squeeze!!!